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Adding some updates to this very important topic, to help protect you from online dating scams!

Silver Linings

Too many women I’ve worked with have had someone pretend to be someone they’re not online in order to get money from them.

And they are not alone. 

Catfishing (also known as a dating or romance scam) is now a multi-billion-dollar industry, and approximately 10% of online profiles (both on dating apps and social media) are reported to be fake.

The U.S. Federal Trade Commission estimates that in 2022 alone, 70,000 Americans lost $1.3 billion to romance scams. In Canada, close to 1,000 Canadians lost $50 million in 2021 (approximately $54,000 on average).

Both amateur and expert criminals around the world prey on lonely people (women and men), telling them what they want to hear.

With women, a catfisher usually appears as a handsome man with a good career who says “you’re beautiful” and “I love you” often and quickly (appealing to a woman’s desire to be validated and loved)…

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Why comparison is harmful

“The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”
— Anonymous

We live in a culture that loves to compare…and social media has only made it easier to do so.

It’s so tempting to look at everyone’s Facebook, TikTok and Instagram posts and think they have a much better life than you do…

That they’re prettier, more successful, happier. That they’re a better parent, partner or friend than you are. That they’ve figured out something that you haven’t. That they’re “lucky” and you aren’t.

The problem is, you’re comparing your worst opinion of yourself to their highlight reel. You’re only seeing the best of their world…not the challenges, emotional breakdowns and bad hair days.

And you don’t know where they’re at in their journey…they may simply be farther down the path than you are.

You’re also not giving yourself enough credit for what is great and unique about you! What you have that others don’t.

In other words, you’re making a whole lot of assumptions that likely aren’t even true.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt

Comparison is a harmful game to play, for many reasons…

1. Low self-esteem – Comparing ourselves to others can lead to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy, which can be detrimental to our self-esteem and mental health.

2. Failure to launch – When we compare ourselves to others, we may focus too much on what they have achieved or what they have that we do not. This can cause us to overlook our own potential and talents and limit our ability to reach our own goals (or cause us to not even try).

3. Copycat culture – Trying to be like everyone else means you’re not being your true, authentic self. We don’t need a world where everyone is the same…we need to celebrate our differences and honour each person’s unique contribution and voice.

4. Unfair advantage – We are not comparing ourselves on an equal playing field, which makes us underestimate what we’re truly capable of. For example, we may compare our financial status to someone who has had more opportunities or advantages than we have, which is an unfair comparison.

5. Relationship resentment – Constant comparison can create feelings of jealousy or resentment, which can damage our relationships with others. This can lead to a negative cycle of unnecessary competition that ultimately harms both parties and prevents real connection and intimacy.

Long story short, trying to “keep up with the Kardashians” is exhausting, and a sure-fire recipe for unhappiness.

Thankfully, there is a better way…

Change your beliefs

“Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” — Jon Acuff

When we envy others or resent what they have, it’s a sure sign that we have a limiting belief.

The reason you feel bad is because you’re telling yourself that you can’t have what they have.

Which of these limiting beliefs feels most true to you?

• I’m not good enough.
• They are more [wealthy/educated/smart/rich/attractive] than me.
• There is something wrong with me.
• I don’t deserve to have what they have.
• They’re just lucky and I’m not.
• I never get what I want.

It’s important to know that these beliefs are not the truth…they are simply repeated thoughts that you’ve been thinking so long that they feel true. And because they feel true, they cause negative emotions that restrict your ability to see solutions and take action.

Instead, it’s important to create new, more empowering beliefs that support your goals, and reinforce those with evidence that it’s possible for you too. It’s also important to realize that if someone else has achieved something, you can too. Use their example as a source of inspiration that what you want is possible (instead of proof that you can’t have what you want).

Better yet, ask them how they did it to gain ideas on how to go about it!

Embrace your uniqueness

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” — Dr. Seuss

Instead of comparing our journey to others, it is important to focus on our own growth and progress, and to appreciate our unique qualities and strengths. In doing so, we can build a positive sense of self-worth and work towards achieving our own goals and aspirations.

We are all unique: we each have our own culture, history, life story, personality, strengths, weaknesses, goals and experiences. Comparison tries to imply that one person or set of experiences is better than another…but this simply isn’t true. Everyone has value, and everyone’s life experience contains something we can learn from.

To help you tap into your uniqueness, here are some questions to consider:

• What are your talents and strengths?
• What progress have you made in the last 10 years? 20?
• Which moments in your life are you most proud of?
• What do you most love about your personality and body?
• Who has always loved & supported you?
• What do your friends tell you that they love about you?
• What makes you unique/fun/interesting?

Spend some time journaling the answers to these questions…go deep. And if you get stuck, ask people who know you well.

This will help you to see that it really doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing…it only matters that you are making progress towards your own goals, that you have people who support you, and that YOU love you!

Here’s to YOU, in all your unique awesomeness.

xo Karen

Resources

Other articles you may find helpful:

• Do we have to love ourselves to love and be loved?
• Mirror, mirror on the wall: Seeing who we really are

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

What is GREAT about you? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

Caring for your body

“Self-care” has become a catchphrase of the modern era, yet I’m not sure it’s well understood.

Often self-care gets misunderstood as self-indulgence…letting yourself have and do whatever you want whenever you want it, whether it’s good for you or not. Self-indulgence often leads to self-sabotage… working against yourself and your own goals.

Self-care is much deeper than giving in to your whims of the moment…it’s about learning to give to your body, mind and spirit the same level of care you would to a child who is in your charge. And that means sometimes doing things you don’t really want to do…because you know it’s good for you and will benefit you in the long run.

We often want from others what we’re not willing to give to ourselves. That is why self-care is so important…it’s learning to prioritize our own health, wellbeing and happiness as highly as we prioritize others…and not self-sacrificing our wellbeing in the name of “love.”

One aspect of self-care is caring for your body, treating it with the love and respect it deserves (the same love and respect you want others to treat you with).

This includes:

• Eating healthy food
• Drinking enough water daily
• Exercising / moving your body regularly
• Getting enough sleep
• Giving yourself time to rest and recharge

Caring for your body also includes learning how to self-soothe…to regulate your emotions and calm your nervous system when you’re feeling upset.

This may include:

• Breathing deeply
• Walking in nature or practicing yoga
• Meditating
• Comforting yourself with warm clothes, blankets, tea, soup
• Getting a massage or energy work to help release stress hormones

Caring for your mind

The second element of self-care is caring for your mind. This includes becoming more aware of both the thoughts you think daily and the information you are consuming.

Some ways to better care for your mind include:

• Releasing negative thoughts and emotions through journaling
• Taking in positive music, podcasts, books, movies, TV shows
• Learning something new that interests you
• Tapping into your creative side
• Setting goals and practicing affirmations

Caring for your spirit

The third element of self-care is taking care of your spirit…the emotional and spiritual aspect of you that is more than just a human body.

Some ways to care for your spirit include:

• Connecting to source energy through prayer, meditation, spiritual community
• Getting out in nature
• Writing what you’re grateful for in a gratitude journal
• Connecting with people you find uplifting
• Donating time or money to causes you believe in

The interesting thing about self-care is that the better we treat ourselves, the better others start to treat us too. And even if they don’t, you’ll be well looked after because YOU are taking care of you and making your wellbeing a real priority in your own life. This will allow you to stand in your power and make better relationship choices…surrounding yourself only with those who care for you the way you do.

Take good care of yourself…because you’re worth it!

xo Karen

Resources

Other articles you may find helpful:

• 10 tips for thriving this fall & winter
• Do we have to love ourselves to love and be loved?

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join our free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

How do you like to care for yourself? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

1. Your childhood conditioning has led you to make poor choices.

Most of the women I work with are successful in many areas of life – like career, parenting, friendships – but have repeatedly failed in love.

And I get it if you don’t like the word “failure” – I don’t either – but the truth is, that’s how it feels.

It feels like we should have succeeded in love by now. It feels like we know what to do…but in the moment of truth, we can’t seem to make it work.

And after repeated attempts that don’t work out…we feel like we must be doing something wrong. Or worse, there must be something wrong with us.

What I’d like to share with you today after a decade of research into what makes relationships work and over eight years coaching single women, there isn’t something wrong with you. (Phew!)

But…

You likely are doing some things wrong. (Doh!)

And…

It’s really not your fault. (Phew again!)

There are 3 main reasons why you’ve failed in love before:

If any of the following were true for you as a child, it is quite likely that you have unmet needs and behaviours that are negatively impacting your adult relationships:

• Your parents fought a lot and/or divorced.
• A parent or sibling became ill or died.
• One (or both) parents worked a lot and/or were away from home a lot.
• One (or both) parents had mental health or addiction issues.
• One (or both) parents were abusive and/or neglectful.
• You had too much responsibility (for doing chores, caring for siblings, working).
• You moved a lot as a child and/or changed schools frequently.
• You were bullied at home or in school.
• You didn’t fit in with your peers…you struggled with shyness, self-esteem, body image issues, cultural differences, or a physical/mental/learning disability.

This isn’t about blaming our parents/caregivers. But the reality is, if you didn’t get your needs for love, affection, attention, affirmation, quality time, safety and security met as a child, it will cause you to show up in your adult relationships like a needy child, desperate to get those needs met.

Your inner child will make impulsive choices that don’t serve you, and will act out in conflict situations. Long story short, the child in you is driving the bus of your relationships, not the adult.

2. You lack the knowledge and skill to create and maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

Let’s be honest here and acknowledge that most people do not know how to create and maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

Why? Because many of us didn’t have great examples at home, and this generally wasn’t taught as a subject in school (certainly not in our generation).

So how do we expect to know how to be successful in love if no one has taught us how?

3. Your beliefs about love are getting in the way of what you want.

Lastly, between childhood conditioning and failed relationships, you likely have subconscious beliefs that are keeping you from getting what you want.

Do you find yourself thinking any of the following?

• Relationships are hard.
• Love never lasts.
• I can’t trust people to not hurt me.
• I’m not good enough / loveable.
• I am broken / damaged goods.
• Things never work out for me.
• I can’t find / have what I want.
• Guys are jerks / never commit.
• I’m better off alone.

If so, you have limiting beliefs blocking you.

So what now?

Once you know why your relationships keep failing, you can begin the work to change things.

What happened in the past may not have been your fault, but your healing is your responsibility…
because no one can do that for you.

Thankfully, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’d like to know more about how I help my clients heal their past, shift their beliefs and succeed in their relationships, I invite you to apply for my upcoming free private training on September 27, Heartbreak to Soulmate: How to thrive as a confident single woman and attract a great partner.

This is an exclusive LIVE training only for approved applicants. I will be unveiling the 4-part framework that I’ve used to help many women succeed in life and love. Learn more and apply here.

To your success,
xo Karen

Resources

For more on this topic, see:

• Looking for love in all the right places
• When love isn’t healthy
• Loving without losing (45-minute online training)

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

Why have you struggled in love? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

Love vs. infatuation

I’ve received a few questions from women lately that make me realize that people are confusing infatuation with love, so I’d like to clarify the difference.

First, let me ask if this has ever happened to you…

You meet someone (in real life or online or even on TV), and see some characteristics you’ve been looking for, and fall “head over heels,” becoming obsessed with what they’re doing, who they’re with, and whether they’re choosing you. And everything else in your life suddenly becomes less important.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

The feelings are so intense, it seems like it must be love. But is it?

First, let’s look at the differences between love and infatuation…

Infatuation: 

1. A feeling of passionate desire and euphoria that quickly consumes you 
2. Characterized by urgency, sexual desire, idealizing, and obsessive thoughts
3. Defined by a desire to constantly be together and possess the other
4. Often accompanied by feelings of anxiety, jealousy, paranoia
5. They are like a drug to you…you can’t focus on anything else or sleep
6. You start to feel like you’re merging with the other person and can’t live without them
7. You may make high-risk choices and abandon other relationships
8. Long-term effect: Quick start/finish (brush fire), feeling empty and alone, obsessing about what was lost, craving a replacement, missing out on present life/relationships
9. You lose your identity and feel like a shell of who you once were

Love: 

1. A feeling of deep affection and respect that builds over time
2. Characterized by patience, knowledge of and desire for the entire person
3. Defined by a desire to help the other be their best self and be happy
4. Accompanied by feelings of fondness, affection, respect, generosity
5. They are like a best friend to you…you want what’s best for them
6. You each maintain your own identities, interests and relationships
7. You work together to settle differences and find win-win solutions
8. Long-term effect: Security, peace, stability, trust, partnership…a stable environment for stepping out into the world, knowing someone has your back
9. You grow and become a better version of yourself

How to know if it’s love

So when you first meet someone and you feel excited, how can you tell if it’s real love or not? The truth is, you can only REALLY know this over time.

People will say later on it was “love at first sight,” but really, that’s only because their love lasted…so now with hindsight they can say they “always knew.” But in the beginning, you can’t really know for sure.

In the early stages of dating, the chemistry/spark/excitement you feel is infatuation. 

It’s too early to say you truly love someone as you don’t really KNOW them deeply. And it’s too early for them to know they really love YOU.

Have you ever had someone come on too fast? 

I know I have. One guy told me he loved me within a matter of weeks, and I felt uncomfortable because I knew he didn’t really know me and was in love with his idealized image of me. It didn’t take me long to fall off that pedestal!

And on the flip-side of this, I once had a crush on a guy who didn’t return my feelings. It seemed like he was perfect for me…and yet he couldn’t have been if he wasn’t choosing me, because the perfect partner would WANT to be with me!

The trouble we get ourselves in is insisting that love can come in only one form…the current object of our affection. The truth is, love can come in many forms, shapes and sizes.

Here’s the thing…if you can’t stop thinking about someone and can’t let them go, that’s not love (even if it feels intense). Or at least, it’s not healthy love.

Love is based on wanting the other to be happy…and so if their choice is to be with someone else, then really loving them means letting them go so they can have what they want.

I had to do this with my friend who chose someone else…loving him meant wanting him to be happy, and trusting I would find the person who looked at me the way I looked at him.

What is not love

Too many people use “love” as an excuse to justify all kinds of unhealthy behaviours:

• Stalking someone online (e.g. tracking someone on GPS)
• Stalking someone in real life (e.g. driving by their house to see who’s car is in the driveway)
• Obsessing over someone’s every move (e.g. watching every post on Facebook)
• Creating “emergencies” to seek out their attention
• Trying to get between them and their partner
• Ignoring other important relationships
• Not meeting your own needs / knowing how to be happy on your own

These behaviours are not signs of love…they are signs of addiction/infatuation.

Take it slow

Real love takes time to build, like a good fire.

Love requires getting to really know someone deeply, and deciding if you can live with their flaws and idiosyncrasies.

It’s ok to be excited to meet someone you think could be “it.” But don’t let your hormones and excitement cloud your judgment.

In other words, SLOW IT DOWN at the beginning.

Get to know them to see if they fit with what you really want. Otherwise you’re setting yourself up for yet another short-term relationship that burns out quickly…and yet another break-up.

What do I mean by slow it down? I mean:

• Pace yourself…go on a date or two a week (instead of spending every day together).
• Don’t spend every minute of the day texting / watching your phone.
• Hold off on sex (until you know them better).
• Hold off on being exclusive and committing your heart to someone you barely know.
• Get to know the person gradually (instead of investing all your time/energy in them).
• Keep investing in other areas/relationships in your life (don’t ditch your friends).

Taking it slow is the best way to know if you’ve found the right person for you, and to create a healthy, happy, stable relationship that lasts.

Remember…the initial excitement you feel only tells you this person MIGHT be what you’re looking for. Real love requires really getting to know someone, and that takes TIME.

So be patient, and look for the one who is good for you, not just excites you.

xo Karen

Resources

For more on this topic, see:

• Looking for love in all the right places
• When love isn’t healthy
• Loving without losing (45-minute live online training)

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

How do you know when it’s really love? How long do you think that takes? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

Fun with friends & family

Summer is a natural time to get out in the world and have fun…so what do you do if you happen to be single?

No need to worry…there are tons of things you can do on your own or with others to make the most of these warm and sunny summer months. If you shift your perspective on being single from “loneliness” to “freedom,” you may be surprised just how much fun you can have!

While part of the joy of being single comes from learning to love your own company, it can still be fun to have companionship for your adventures.

Here are some activities that can be fun to do with family or friends:

• Host a backyard BBQ or social.
• Go hiking or biking on a new trail.
• Rent a canoe or kayak or stand-up paddleboard.
• Organize a picnic in a park or a beach day.
• Go on a weekend road trip.
• Book a cottage and invite friends.
• Try out a new restaurant.
• Go to a comedy club or concert.
• Go shopping (for clothes, antiques, home décor, etc.).
• Try an adventure sport (like ziplining, white water rafting, caving, rock climbing, bungee jumping, parasailing, scuba diving, sailing).
• Go dancing or sing karaoke.

Mingling with other singles

It can also be fun to attend social events in your local area where you’re likely to meet other singles. Some places to look for fun events include:

• Meetup.com
• Facebook events
• Eventbrite
• An Internet search on “events in [your area]”
• Community boards in stores
• Community newspapers
• Asking friends / other singles for ideas!

As a Meetup organizer, one thing I’d mention is don’t be afraid of being the “new person.” There are always new people at these events, and most organizers are good at welcoming new people and helping them to feel comfortable. You’ll quickly get over any nerves you feel and soon be making new friends!

Chilling on your own

One of the true gifts of becoming single is having time to yourself…and the ability to decide to do what you want, when you want.

Here are some fun ways of enjoying your solo time:

• Book a spa day (or have an at-home spa day).
• Go for a walk or bike ride by the water and really savour the peace and quiet.
• Explore a new town or village.
• Set a goal to photograph as many lighthouses or covered bridges as you can.
• Have a PJ day where you read a new book or watch movies all day.
• Make yourself a gourmet meal (complete with candles and music).
• Take yourself on a date – go to your fav restaurant and book an activity you’ll love.

I hope you have a terrific summer, and that you embrace this time of being single and the freedom it brings!

xo Karen

Resources

For more on this topic, see:

• Making new friends (as an adult)
• Embracing solitude

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

What do you most enjoy doing in the summer? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

Chasing: Being overly invested too soon

Here is a common dating scenario…you go on a date with someone you really like and have a great time. You’re excited to see them again, and eagerly wait for them to message you after the date…only hours go by, even days, and…radio silence. What should you do?!

As a coach who works with single women, I often see women go into “hot pursuit” mode at this point, which tends to scare men away.

This doesn’t mean a woman can’t initiate contact…it simply means she shouldn’t be chasing him like a wild animal after prey lol.

In my early dating years, I made this mistake too. I would get so excited about someone I had just met that I’d communicate a little too often and too eagerly, and then “poof,” the guy was gone.

There is a good reason this is happening…and it’s not because all men are commitment-phobes.

So, let me illustrate the difference between chasing and initiating, so that you have a better understanding of what works and what doesn’t.

Chasing (especially in the early stages of dating) is a symptom of being overly invested in someone too soon, before you really know much about them. It has an energy of anxiety and communicates insecurity to the person you’re pursuing.

Signs you are chasing:

• You are texting/messaging more than he is.
• You are calling or asking for dates more often than he is.
• You are not giving him enough time and space to show interest.
• You are over-sharing about deeply personal things in the first few dates.
• You are pushing to move things forward when he’s showing he’s not ready.
• You feel anxious that you’re not hearing back from him.
• You are cancelling / not making plans with others while you wait on him.
• You can’t seem to focus on anything or anyone else.

Why this is bad:

• You are rushing the process of getting to know someone.
• You are choosing prematurely someone you know little about.
• You are not being patient and letting yourself enjoy the process.
• You are investing more time and energy than you’re getting back.
• You’ll eventually feel resentful and communicate frustration to him.
• He’ll feel pressure to decide “you’re the one” when he doesn’t know yet.
• He’ll likely feel you’re too “needy” and pull back and/or ghost you.
• You are not standing in your value…you should thoroughly vet someone before giving your heart and body to them.

The result of chasing? You will think he’s a jerk when he ditches you…when really, he could feel your anxiety and it wasn’t appealing to him.

The truth is, chasing comes from place of insecurity―of fearing that you’ll be abandoned/rejected―not from a place of faith and confidence in your worth.

This fear and insecurity come from wounding from your childhood and past relationships that you have yet to fully heal. It causes you to show up in your romantic relationships like a little girl, not like a strong, empowered adult woman…which feels unappealing to conscious men who are standing in their power.

(This is equally true when men do this to women…they come across as little boys, not adult men.)

Initiating: Giving them space to move closer

Can a woman initiate contact with a man, and even ask him out?

Sure! But after she’s done that, she needs to lean back and give him the space to move towards her…before reaching out again!

Think of it like a tennis match…once you’ve hit the ball and it goes over the net…the ball is in their court! It’s their turn to make a move. Think of how strange it would be if you kept hitting more balls over the net without waiting for the other to return your serve. They would undoubtedly get overwhelmed, and it doesn’t make for a very fun game for you.

So if you want to send a text or suggest a date or pick up the phone, then do. Once. But then the ball is in his court, and you need to let him make the next move.

What it looks and feels like to initiate (without chasing):

• You are calm and relaxed.
• You feel confident in your worth.
• You are playful and upbeat with your exchanges.
• You positively and patiently look forward to his response.
• In the meantime, you focus on other things.
• You keep your options open and don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
• You understand that a romantic partner is a piece of the pie, not the whole pie.
• You have lots of ways to occupy your time and don’t sit passively waiting.

Why this works better:

• The guy sees you as a confident woman capable of initiating.
• But he also has time to make up his mind and space to move towards you.
• Because you have other things to do, he sees you have a well-balanced life.
• He doesn’t feel pressured by you and feels free to do as he pleases.
• He’s more likely to be intrigued and want to reach out.
• This creates a more even exchange of energy.
• Communication feels easy, with no pressure to make early decisions.
• Dating is more relaxed and fun.

And so what happens if he doesn’t return your serve (i.e. reach back out)? Then he’s likely not that interested in you, is seeing other people, or is not ready, and you’re best moving on! Don’t waste your time on someone who is low effort, inconsistent or a poor communicator.

Empowered dating

The way you come across in the early stages of dating has a lot to do with your energy…are you coming from a place of confidence and faith, or insecurity and fear?

If this is something you struggle with and you want to know how to change your dating experience (or how to even get started), I invite you to a FREE online event on April 19, 2022 called Finding Love in these Crazy Times.

During this 60-minute masterclass, you will learn:

• How finding love has changed in modern times (and since COVID)
• The 10 biggest mistakes people make when looking for love
• How to be safe when meeting strangers
• How to find your soulmate
• How to enjoy the process of finding your person!

Learn more and register here.

There is also a 1-day virtual workshop on Saturday, May 14 called the Soulmate Attraction Summit.

At this powerful event, you will discover:

• The real reasons why you’re still single
• How to avoid the wrong people
• Why “rejection” is a good thing (and how to get past it)
• How to consciously attract an evolved partner
• How to know if they’re a keeper

Tickets include all handouts and recordings, as well as a complimentary Love Breakthrough session, and are available at half price until April 19 at midnight ET! All proceeds go to Women’s Shelters Canada. Learn more and register here.

Best of luck in your dating adventures, and hope to see you soon!

❤ Karen

Resources

For more on this topic, see:

• Why is dating so hard?
• How to improve your dating experience
• How to avoid online dating scams
• Getting the love you deserve
• Loving without Losing

Join our global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

Do you like to initiate when dating? What works for you? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

Releasing what we don’t want

I love the energy of a new year, as it’s a fresh opportunity to hit the restart button and get things moving in the direction we want.

It also allows us to take stock of how our life is going, get rid of things that are unwanted, and bring in the things we desire.

If we never release the things we don’t want, we accumulate too much unwanted energy, which makes it impossible for new and better things to find their way to us.

Imagine continually adding new clothes to your closet, without ever getting rid of the socks that don’t match, the underwear with holes, and the clothes that no longer fit. Your space would get so full you wouldn’t be able to find anything, let alone hang up your new clothes!

So the first step in creating the life you want is to release what you don’t want.

To do this, ask yourself these questions:

• What did I not like about the past year?
• What emotions do I want to release?
• What relationships no longer serve me?
• What objects do I have too much of that I can give to others?
• What is taking up too much physical, emotional or energetic space?

Once you’ve identified what you don’t need or want, set aside some time to begin purging and make room for what you do want.

Enjoying the space in between

Often, the second we clear space in our lives, we look to refill it. Before doing this, give yourself permission to simply hang out in the stillness and calm and quiet created by having more space.

Breathe deeply, meditate, and notice what comes up for you. It may be inspiration for something new you want, or it may be a realization that you need less than you thought you did to be happy. Sometimes, when we sit in the space we used to call “emptiness,” we discover a “oneness” and peace we’ve never experienced before.

Calling in what we do want

Once you’re clear on what you no longer need and want and have taken some time to enjoy the space in between, it’s time to get clear on what you want instead.

To help you identify what you want to bring into your life, ask yourself these questions:

• Who do I want to become this year?
• What new activities do I want to do?
• What new things do I want to have?
• What would make my life better, in each of these areas:
  • Health & wellbeing
  • Spirituality & personal development
  • Home & family life
  • Friends & leisure time
  • Romantic relationships
  • Career & contribution
  • Finances

Once you’ve identified what you most want for yourself in the coming year, spend some time consciously calling it in by writing about it, creating a vision board, or visualizing it happening. The more time you spend doing this, the faster it will manifest.

Then sit back, relax, and trust it will come to you when it’s meant to, acting on any inspiration you feel in the meantime.

Good luck! Wishing you all the joy, love and laughter you can attract this year.

❤ Karen

Resources

Other articles you may enjoy about starting a new year:

• A year to remember
• 5 steps to jump-start your year
• How to accomplish your goals this year
• GREAT goals: How to get what you want this year

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

How do you like to prepare for a new year? Please share

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

Acknowledging how we feel

Many single people dread the holidays and want it to be over as quickly as possible.

I mean, who wants to sit next to an empty tree, make a turkey dinner for themselves, or listen to their relatives ask for the umpteenth time, “Why are you still single?”

But when we look at the holidays this way, we end up wishing away a period of time that can actually be really enjoyable…if we learn how.

Let me begin by acknowledging that it’s normal to struggle if you’re alone for the holidays, especially if you recently lost someone you love to death, divorce or a break-up. So if you’re struggling with your feelings, I invite you to read When Christmas isn’t what you thought it would be and validate your very real emotions.

I didn’t always love being single at Christmas either. I resisted it and pushed against it like most single people do. I wanted my person to celebrate with…an adult to talk to, snuggle with, and share the Santa Claus duties with. (And someone to climb the ladder to put up those damn Christmas lights!)

But that’s not what life had in store for me, and so I was determined to not waste precious time hating an entire month of the year. Instead, I found ways to make the holidays special, both for me and my kids. I adapted old traditions and created new ones. And in the end, I ended up liking Christmas more than I did before. Because I made it mine.

Focusing on what we want

How we feel about anything in life is largely determined by how we’re looking at it…by the thoughts we’re thinking and the questions we’re asking. For example, if we think of what’s missing at Christmas (the guy, the family members, the gifts), we feel bad. But if we think of the many blessings we already have (and what we can create), we start to feel better.

So to help you shift your thoughts to creating what you want this holiday season (instead of avoiding what you dread), ask yourself these 5 questions:

How do you want to feel?

• e.g. warm, cozy, relaxed, loved, spoiled, magical

How can you create that feeling this year?

• Light candles or a fire
• Wrap up in a warm blanket
• Make hot chocolate or apple cider
• Buy some new decorations
• Put up sparkling lights everywhere
• Play holiday music
• Call or video chat with friends and family

Who can you celebrate with this year?

• e.g. kids, extended family, friends, Meetup groups

What activities have you traditionally enjoyed at Christmas, and how can you adapt them to your current situation?

• Make Christmas cookies with kids or friends
• Have people over for dinner
• Go to someone else’s house for dinner
• Order in a pre-made holiday dinner from a restaurant
• Buy yourself gifts and put them under the tree
• Exchange gifts with friends or family members

What new traditions can you create that would be fun?

• Go to an outdoor Christmas market
• Skate or ski or snowshoe or go sledding
• Have a holiday movie marathon
• Volunteer at a soup kitchen
• Give gifts to families who can’t afford them
• Go on a walk or drive to see Christmas lights
• Book a spa day
• Plan a solo trip

The upside of being single this holiday season

We often focus on the downside of being single, but what about the upside?

There are many advantages to being single during the holidays! Here are 10:

1. You call the shots on what you do, when. Eat, drink and be merry on your terms!
2. You can be completely yourself, with no need to impress your partner’s family.
3. You can stay in your PJs and watch chick flicks for days if you want to!
4. Or you can buy a new dress and party with other singles!
5. You don’t have to divvy up your time between two families.
6. You can focus more time on your friends and family.
7. December is a great month to meet other singles, who are looking for connection too (e.g. through Meetup and dating apps).
8. Holiday parties are a good place to meet potential dates.
9. You don’t have to buy as many gifts…so you can buy some for yourself (and get gifts you want!)
10. You’ll have more time to just relax and look after your body, mind and spirit.

Christmas might be different this year, but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad. Focus on injecting some fun, relaxation, and merriment into the holidays, and you may just find you enjoy this time of year even more as a single person than when you were “attached” and had so many obligations to attend to.

This is your life, make it what you want it to be!

Happy holidays.

❤ Karen

Resources

Other articles I’ve written about the holidays you may enjoy:

• A merry COVID Christmas
• When Christmas isn’t what you thought it would be
• Beating the holiday blues
• 10 tips for thriving this fall & winter
• 12 tips to maintain balance over the holidays

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

Share your ideas

What special ways are you celebrating the holidays this year? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.

The wrong way to date

Have you ever watched a deer trapped in an enclosure? It runs frantically around, jumping at different ends of the fence, injuring itself in the process, desperate to escape. Eventually, after a long time, the deer runs out of energy and lies down exhausted, accepting that it is trapped.

When I watch women dating, I often see a similar scene playing out.

They put up an online profile. They message and flirt with a few guys. They go on a few dates. Then they get discouraged by inappropriate messages and failed attempts at love. So they complain to their girlfriends, reinforcing their limiting beliefs that there are “no good ones out there.” And then they start the process all over again. And again. And again.

Until eventually, they give up, deciding that they are “unlucky in love” and that their fate is to be single for the rest of their life.

Unfortunately, this is an all-too-common scenario in the dating world because most people go about dating the wrong way and for the wrong reasons.

Most people date because they feel lonely (or are afraid of being alone). Or because they feel sad and unhappy. In either case, they think finding someone will make them feel better. Only this is putting the cart before the horse. Lonely, unhappy people find lonely, unhappy people. This is not the basis for a healthy, happy relationship!

And most people date with a lack of clarity and skill (and many limiting beliefs in their way). They aren’t clear on what they want. They are lacking in self-esteem and a true sense of their own value. They hope to find someone good, while secretly doubting they will. They rush the dating process because they hate it, and hop into bed too soon, and settle for someone who seems “nice enough.”

When the relationship doesn’t work out, they blame the other person. Then they go out looking for someone better, only to repeat the heartache again and again. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. It’s time to stop the madness!

A better way to find love

As a love coach for single women, it may seem counter-intuitive that I often tell my clients to stop dating for a while…to go on a dating diet.

Why? Because most people need time to heal, recalibrate and realign their energy so they get better results.

Healing involves spending some time processing and releasing the negative emotions that come with a failed relationship and break-up. Stuffing these down or avoiding them simply does not work. It only causes your emotional baggage to get heavier and heavier from one relationship to the next, making it harder and harder to have a healthy relationship. If you don’t resolve your pain and anger, all you will do is attract someone with a similar level of wounding.

Recalibrating means re-centering your life around you, not another person. This includes figuring out who you are (what you love about yourself and what your true value is) and rediscovering what activities you love and enjoy. Then you need to create a life that revolves around what makes YOU happy, so that when you go back out dating, you’re already happy, and simply looking for another happy person (not someone to extract happiness from).

Realigning means getting clear about what you want in a partner and relationship, shifting your beliefs so that you know without a doubt that you deserve that and can find it, and focusing only on what you want (not on what you don’t want).

We don’t get what we want in life, we get what we believe. If you don’t shift your beliefs, your results will be a self-fulfilling prophecy…not because that’s all that’s out there, but because it’s what you’re currently energetically aligned with. The more you continue dating the wrong people and complaining about that to your friends, the more you keep yourself stuck replaying the same reality over and over again, like in Groundhog Day.

So, I highly recommend that if you’ve been struggling in love and attracting the wrong types of people, that you stop dating for a while, heal your past love wounds, recalibrate and realign your energy before heading out there again.

Believe me, it will be much easier and faster in the long run.

To your success!

Karen

Share your ideas

What helped you heal after your break-up? Please share…

Resources

If you want to better understand what’s been going wrong in your love life and begin turning things around, I invite you to attend my upcoming transformational workshop:

• September 15 – Loving without Losing (free 1-hour live online masterclass)

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

• Empowered Single Women – loving life and attracting love!

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.