The awakening: Whose life is this anyway?

It happens to most of us around mid-life. Sometimes even earlier.

We wake up one day, look around at our life, and wonder how we got here. There’s a sense of surrealness, like being in a movie. We feel like the part we are playing no longer suits us. We want to be in a different movie, only we’re not sure which one. And we want someone to give us some direction…only we’re the director of this scene, this movie.

We feel like the part we are playing no longer suits us. We want to be in a different movie, only we’re not sure which one.

Following the script

Have you ever had a moment like this in your life? I know I have. It happened to me earlier than most…I was in my early 30s. I had created the life I thought was supposed to make me happy…I had a stable government job, a good husband, a house in the suburbs, and two kids. But I didn’t feel happy.

Without realizing it, I was acting out the part my parents and teachers had picked for me…their screenplay of success and happiness. Get the job, get the spouse, get the kids, get the house. Live comfortably ever after.

Not that anyone made me do anything—they didn’t. But I unconsciously made most of my choices based on the values of those around me and what was important to or possible for them. Not what was important to or possible for me.

No one told me growing up it was possible to have a career I actually loved. Or a relationship where I felt connected and valued. Or a life where I felt joyful and alive. These weren’t things anyone talked about, likely because the people around me had limiting beliefs, so couldn’t imagine anything more.

So like many people, I made safe choices. I shelved my dreams and what I really wanted, and chose a safe life instead. A comfortable life. A boring life.

A life where I did not feel like myself.

Most of us do this to some degree…we lose ourselves in our relationships, our children, our jobs. In the interest of playing it safe and pleasing others, we give up too much of who we really are as individuals. We no longer do the things we love. We sometimes don’t even remember what we love to do any more.

Reconnecting with who you really are

But at some point, we begin to wake up. We feel restless and dissatisfied. We sense there is something more.

It is at this point that we begin to realize that we are the director in our own life’s movie. That we made the choices that got us to where we are (even if we made many of them unconsciously). And that we have the power and ability to make different choices now. To create a new role for ourselves and a new script, one we like a lot better.

The place to begin, once you’ve had this realization, is to re-discover who you really are, and what you really love. So that’s what we’re going to talk about today and for the rest of this month…looking at ways to reconnect with your innermost desires so you can begin creating a life that feels more joyful and fulfilling.

What do you love?

When we’re kids, we know very clearly what we want and like. But over time, as we’re told we can’t have what we want or shouldn’t like what we like, we put away many of our desires because it hurts more to want something and not get it than to want nothing at all.

We are the director in our own life’s movie. We have the power and ability to make different choices now. To create a new role for ourselves and a new script, one we like a lot better.

So let’s go back to when you were young. As a child, what did you love?

• What subjects did you enjoy in school?
• What games did you play?
• Who did you imagine yourself being when you grew up?

As a teen, what did you love?

• What books did you read?
• What shows or movies did you watch?
• What did you do with your friends?

And now, as an adult, what do you love?

• What topics could you talk about for hours?
• When were you the happiest? What were you doing? Who were you with?
• What places have you been to that you really loved?
• What are your favourite possessions?
• How would you most like to spend your time?

What do you really, really want?

No one can define success for you…only you can do that. Choose to live life on your own terms, doing what you love to do.

Now imagine you have all the free time and resources in the world…no limitations.

• What would you love to do again, or do that you’ve never done?
• What would you like to have or acquire?
• What would you like to learn?
• Where would you like to go?
• Who do you want to be with?
• Who would you like to be?

Using these questions as a starting point, make a list of the things you love (things you’ve already acquired or experienced), and another list of the things you want (things you would like to have or do). You should have two lists with at least 25-50 things in each.

Once you have created these lists, look them over and put a checkmark next to the ones you already incorporate in your life now. Put a star next to the ones you want to focus on incorporating into your life as soon as possible.

Review these lists often, adding to them when you feel inspired. Check in at least monthly (ideally daily or weekly) to see how you can achieve more of what you want, and incorporate more of what you love into your life.

What I realized through doing these exercises myself was that many of the things I most wanted and loved were free. I wanted to spend more time in nature. I wanted to have leisurely mornings with my partner. I loved to sing and play music. I loved to share meals and belly laughs with friends. I wanted to buy skis so I could hit the hills more easily with my kids.

It really wasn’t hard to start incorporating these things into my life once I paid attention to it. And over the past several years, my life has become more and more my own. I am now following the script I write for myself, not someone else’s creation. And guess what? I am much better in my role now…because I don’t have to act.

No one can define success for you…only you can do that. Choose to live life on your own terms, doing what you love to do. The more you become who you truly want to be and do what you most want to do, the happier you will feel, regardless of anyone else’s opinion.

If you liked this post, please share with others! And share your thoughts and ideas below…I love hearing from my readers!

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Karen Strang Allen is an empowerment coach and speaker who helps women re-create themselves after a break-up or career change. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Karen helps her clients heal their hearts, re-discover their strengths and passions, and tap into their inner power to create amazing lives that inspire others. Learn more about Karen and check out her free empowering resources at www.karenstrangallen.com.

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