Posted by: silverliningsblog | March 1, 2020

Getting the love you deserve

With spring in the air, many singles come out of hibernation and turn their attention back to finding love. They have renewed hope that this year, they’ll find the love they deserve…

The dream

And what do most singles say they want?

  • Someone to go on adventures and road trips with…to go hiking and travelling and experience life with.
  • Someone to come home to at the end of the day and fall into their embrace.
  • Someone to share meals and great conversation with, and simply talk about their day.
  • Someone to wake up snuggled next to on a lazy Sunday morning.
  • Someone to get them their morning coffee.
  • Someone who treats them with respect and shows them they care.
  • Someone to share the responsibilities of life with.
  • Someone who supports them in challenging times, and who makes them laugh even when they don’t want to.

The reality

Everyone deserves great love. But not everyone finds it.

What many people find when they go out dating is disappointment. They find people who:

  • haven’t grown up and still don’t know how to make a meal or do laundry
  • just want a hook-up, instead of a long-lasting relationship
  • are good at taking, but not so good at giving
  • are good at talking, but not so good at listening (or taking action)
  • are jealous and controlling, instead of trusting and loving
  • are emotional adolescents, who aren’t capable of having a healthy, happy adult relationship

And inevitably, many people get frustrated with these results, and come to the conclusion that either:

  • There are simply no good people out there who are single.
  • There’s something wrong with them that they’re not finding someone good.

Both of these conclusions are faulty…they are limiting beliefs that will keep you from finding the love you want.

So what is the truth?

How to get what you want

The truth is that we don’t attract what we want…we attract what we believe deep down inside that we can have.

So if your dating results have not gotten you what you want, it’s time to look inside to see what’s getting in your way.

  • If you have faulty beliefs about who you are and what you’re worth, you will not find the love you’re looking for.
  • If you have faulty beliefs about other people, and are afraid to trust that there are kind, loving, generous partners out there who would be a good match for you, then you will also not find the love you’re looking for.

Not because you don’t deserve it. Not because it’s not possible. But because you don’t really, truly believe in your heart that it’s possible for YOU.

Taking action to find a great partner when you don’t believe you can have one is a recipe for disaster. It’s time-consuming, frustrating, and down-right exhausting.

Thankfully there is an easier way.

And the easier way is to do the inner work to get your beliefs in alignment with what you want to have before you go out looking for it. It’s to make sure you’re feeling good about yourself and your life before trying to add someone to it.

It might sound like that will take longer (which is why most people skip that part and jump right into the dating world), but it’s really the shortcut to getting the love you deserve with far less effort and much greater success.

If you know you struggle to believe in yourself, or you have trust issues, or you’ve lost faith that you can find a great partner, it’s important to change your beliefs before venturing out dating. Otherwise, you will attract someone who simply proves you right.

And is that what you really want? Somehow, I don’t think so.

So spend some time looking within to find and change your beliefs before dating, and you’ll find the process much more enjoyable…and also find your loving partner much sooner.


If you could use some help with getting the love you deserve, there are two virtual events coming up that may be of interest to you (both are free):

Share your thoughts

Do you believe you can find the love you deserve?

What do you think is getting in your way?

About the author

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Learn more about Karen and check out her free empowering resources and workshops at


  1. […] Getting the love you deserve […]

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