Many single people dread the holidays and want it to be over as quickly as possible.
I mean, who wants to sit next to an empty tree, make a turkey dinner for themselves, or listen to their relatives ask for the umpteenth time, “Why are you still single?”
But when we look at the holidays this way, we end up wishing away a period of time that can actually be really enjoyable…if we learn how.
Acknowledging how we feel
Let me begin by acknowledging that it’s normal to struggle if you’re alone for the holidays, especially if you recently lost someone you love to death, divorce or a break-up. So if you’re struggling with your feelings, I invite you to read When Christmas isn’t what you thought it would be and validate your very real emotions.
I didn’t always love being single at Christmas either. I resisted it and pushed against it like most single people do. I wanted my person to celebrate with…an adult to talk to, snuggle with, and share the Santa Claus duties with. (And someone to climb the ladder to put up those damn Christmas lights!)
But that’s not what life had in store for me, and so I was determined to not waste precious time hating an entire month of the year. Instead, I found ways to make the holidays special, both for me and my kids. I adapted old traditions and created new ones. And in the end, I ended up liking Christmas more than I did before. Because I made it mine.
Focusing on what we want
How we feel about anything in life is largely determined by how we’re looking at it…by the thoughts we’re thinking and the questions we’re asking. For example, if we think of what’s missing at Christmas (the guy, the family members, the gifts), we feel bad. But if we think of the many blessings we already have (and what we can create), we start to feel better.
So to help you shift your thoughts to creating what you want this holiday season (instead of avoiding what you dread), ask yourself these 5 questions:
How do you want to feel?
- e.g. warm, cozy, relaxed, loved, spoiled, magical
How can you create that feeling this year?
- Light candles or a fire
- Wrap up in a warm blanket
- Make hot chocolate or apple cider
- Buy some new decorations
- Put up sparkling lights everywhere
- Play holiday music
- Call or video chat with friends and family
Who can you celebrate with this year?
- e.g. kids, extended family, friends, Meetup groups
What activities have you traditionally enjoyed at Christmas, and how can you adapt them to your current situation?
- Make Christmas cookies with kids or friends
- Have people over for dinner
- Go to someone else’s house for dinner
- Order in a pre-made holiday dinner from a restaurant
- Buy yourself gifts and put them under the tree
- Exchange gifts with friends or family members
What new traditions can you create that would be fun?
- Go to an outdoor Christmas market
- Skate or ski or snowshoe or go sledding
- Have a holiday movie marathon
- Volunteer at a soup kitchen
- Give gifts to families who can’t afford them
- Go on a walk or drive to see Christmas lights
- Book a spa day
- Plan a solo trip
The upside of being single this holiday season
We often focus on the downside of being single, but what about the upside?
There are many advantages to being single during the holidays! Here are 10:
- You call the shots on what you do, when. Eat, drink and be merry on your terms!
- You can be completely yourself, with no need to impress your partner’s family.
- You can stay in your PJs and watch chick flicks for days if you want to!
- Or you can buy a new dress and party with other singles!
- You don’t have to divvy up your time between two families.
- You can focus more time on your friends and family.
- December is a great month to meet other singles, who are looking for connection too (e.g. through Meetup and dating apps).
- Holiday parties are a good place to meet potential dates.
- You don’t have to buy as many gifts…so you can buy some for yourself (and get gifts you want!)
- You’ll have more time to just relax and look after your body, mind and spirit.
Christmas might be different this year, but that doesn’t mean it has to be bad. Focus on injecting some fun, relaxation, and merriment into the holidays, and you may just find you enjoy this time of year even more as a single person than when you were “attached” and had so many obligations to attend to.
This is your life, make it what you want it to be!
Happy holidays.
❤ Karen
Resources
Other articles I’ve written about the holidays you may enjoy:
- A merry COVID Christmas
- When Christmas isn’t what you thought it would be
- Beating the holiday blues
- 10 tips for thriving this fall & winter
- 12 tips to maintain balance over the holidays
If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:
Share your ideas
What special ways are you celebrating the holidays this year? Please share…
About the author
Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.
Silver Linings 
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