Posted by: silverliningsblog | September 23, 2022

3 reasons why you failed in love before

Most of the women I work with are successful in many areas of life – like career, parenting, friendships – but have repeatedly failed in love.

And I get it if you don’t like the word “failure” – I don’t either – but the truth is, that’s how it feels.

It feels like we should have succeeded in love by now. It feels like we know what to do…but in the moment of truth, we can’t seem to make it work.

And after repeated attempts that don’t work out…we feel like we must be doing something wrong. Or worse, there must be something wrong with us.

What I’d like to share with you today after a decade of research into what makes relationships work and over eight years coaching single women, there isn’t something wrong with you. (Phew!)


You likely are doing some things wrong. (Doh!)


It’s really not your fault. (Phew again!)

There are 3 main reasons why you’ve failed in love before:

1. Your childhood conditioning has led you to make poor choices.

If any of the following were true for you as a child, it is quite likely that you have unmet needs and behaviours that are negatively impacting your adult relationships:

  • Your parents fought a lot and/or divorced.
  • A parent or sibling became ill or died.
  • One (or both) parents worked a lot and/or were away from home a lot.
  • One (or both) parents had mental health or addiction issues.
  • One (or both) parents were abusive and/or neglectful.
  • You had too much responsibility (for doing chores, caring for siblings, working).
  • You moved a lot as a child and/or changed schools frequently.
  • You were bullied at home or in school.
  • You didn’t fit in with your peers…you struggled with shyness, self-esteem, body image issues, cultural differences, or a physical/mental/learning disability.

This isn’t about blaming our parents/caregivers. But the reality is, if you didn’t get your needs for love, affection, attention, affirmation, quality time, safety and security met as a child, it will cause you to show up in your adult relationships like a needy child, desperate to get those needs met.

Your inner child will make impulsive choices that don’t serve you, and will act out in conflict situations. Long story short, the child in you is driving the bus of your relationships, not the adult.

2. You lack the knowledge and skill to create and maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

Let’s be honest here and acknowledge that most people do not know how to create and maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

Why? Because many of us didn’t have great examples at home, and this generally wasn’t taught as a subject in school (certainly not in our generation).

So how do we expect to know how to be successful in love if no one has taught us how?

3. Your beliefs about love are getting in the way of what you want.

Lastly, between childhood conditioning and failed relationships, you likely have subconscious beliefs that are keeping you from getting what you want.

Do you find yourself thinking any of the following?

  • Relationships are hard.
  • Love never lasts.
  • I can’t trust people to not hurt me.
  • I’m not good enough / loveable.
  • I am broken / damaged goods.
  • Things never work out for me.
  • I can’t find / have what I want.
  • Guys are jerks / never commit.
  • I’m better off alone.

If so, you have limiting beliefs blocking you.

So what now?

Once you know why your relationships keep failing, you can begin the work to change things.

What happened in the past may not have been your fault, but your healing is your responsibility
because no one can do that for you.

Thankfully, you don’t have to figure this out alone.

If you’d like to know more about how I help my clients heal their past, shift their beliefs and succeed in their relationships, I invite you to apply for my upcoming free private training on September 27, Heartbreak to Soulmate: How to thrive as a confident single woman and attract a great partner.

This is an exclusive LIVE training only for approved applicants. I will be unveiling the 4-part framework that I’ve used to help many women succeed in life and love. Learn more and apply here.

To your success,
xo Karen


For more on this topic, see:

If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:

Share your ideas

Why have you struggled in love? Please share…

About the author

Karen Strang Allen

Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at


  1. Wow….I really love this… it’s really informative…
    Thanks ma

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