“The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday.”
— Anonymous
We live in a culture that loves to compare…and social media has only made it easier to do so.
It’s so tempting to look at everyone’s Facebook, TikTok and Instagram posts and think they have a much better life than you do…
That they’re prettier, more successful, happier. That they’re a better parent, partner or friend than you are. That they’ve figured out something that you haven’t. That they’re “lucky” and you aren’t.
The problem is, you’re comparing your worst opinion of yourself to their highlight reel. You’re only seeing the best of their world…not the challenges, emotional breakdowns and bad hair days.
And you don’t know where they’re at in their journey…they may simply be farther down the path than you are.
You’re also not giving yourself enough credit for what is great and unique about you! What you have that others don’t.
In other words, you’re making a whole lot of assumptions that likely aren’t even true.
Why comparison is harmful
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt
Comparison is a harmful game to play, for many reasons…
1. Low self-esteem – Comparing ourselves to others can lead to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy, which can be detrimental to our self-esteem and mental health.
2. Failure to launch – When we compare ourselves to others, we may focus too much on what they have achieved or what they have that we do not. This can cause us to overlook our own potential and talents and limit our ability to reach our own goals (or cause us to not even try).
3. Copycat culture – Trying to be like everyone else means you’re not being your true, authentic self. We don’t need a world where everyone is the same…we need to celebrate our differences and honour each person’s unique contribution and voice.
4. Unfair advantage – We are not comparing ourselves on an equal playing field, which makes us underestimate what we’re truly capable of. For example, we may compare our financial status to someone who has had more opportunities or advantages than we have, which is an unfair comparison.
5. Relationship resentment – Constant comparison can create feelings of jealousy or resentment, which can damage our relationships with others. This can lead to a negative cycle of unnecessary competition that ultimately harms both parties and prevents real connection and intimacy.
Long story short, trying to “keep up with the Kardashians” is exhausting, and a sure-fire recipe for unhappiness.
Thankfully, there is a better way…
Change your beliefs
“Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” — Jon Acuff
When we envy others or resent what they have, it’s a sure sign that we have a limiting belief.
The reason you feel bad is because you’re telling yourself that you can’t have what they have.
Which of these limiting beliefs feels most true to you?
- I’m not good enough.
- They are more [wealthy/educated/smart/rich/attractive] than me.
- There is something wrong with me.
- I don’t deserve to have what they have.
- They’re just lucky and I’m not.
- I never get what I want.
It’s important to know that these beliefs are not the truth…they are simply repeated thoughts that you’ve been thinking so long that they feel true. And because they feel true, they cause negative emotions that restrict your ability to see solutions and take action.
Instead, it’s important to create new, more empowering beliefs that support your goals, and reinforce those with evidence that it’s possible for you too. It’s also important to realize that if someone else has achieved something, you can too. Use their example as a source of inspiration that what you want is possible (instead of proof that you can’t have what you want).
Better yet, ask them how they did it to gain ideas on how to go about it!
Embrace your uniqueness
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” — Dr. Seuss
Instead of comparing our journey to others, it is important to focus on our own growth and progress, and to appreciate our unique qualities and strengths. In doing so, we can build a positive sense of self-worth and work towards achieving our own goals and aspirations.
We are all unique: we each have our own culture, history, life story, personality, strengths, weaknesses, goals and experiences. Comparison tries to imply that one person or set of experiences is better than another…but this simply isn’t true. Everyone has value, and everyone’s life experience contains something we can learn from.
To help you tap into your uniqueness, here are some questions to consider:
- What are your talents and strengths?
- What progress have you made in the last 10 years? 20?
- Which moments in your life are you most proud of?
- What do you most love about your personality and body?
- Who has always loved & supported you?
- What do your friends tell you that they love about you?
- What makes you unique/fun/interesting?
Spend some time journaling the answers to these questions…go deep. And if you get stuck, ask people who know you well.
This will help you to see that it really doesn’t matter what anyone else is doing…it only matters that you are making progress towards your own goals, that you have people who support you, and that YOU love you!
Here’s to YOU, in all your unique awesomeness.
xo Karen
Resources
Other articles you may find helpful:
- Do we have to love ourselves to love and be loved?
- Mirror, mirror on the wall: Seeing who we really are
If you’d like to join a global community of single women who want to heal, feel empowered and support each other, I invite you to join my free Facebook group:
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About the author
Karen Strang Allen is a love and empowerment coach for single women. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great about who they are and create a life they love so they attract their dream partner. Check out Karen’s free inspirational resources and workshops at www.karenstrangallen.com.
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