Posted by: silverliningsblog | June 29, 2018

How to make online dating easier

Online dating - womanIn speaking with many single clients, I’ve found that the vast majority do not enjoy online dating. This anecdotal feedback seems supported by a December 2016 Consumer Reports survey, which found that people were generally not happy with ANY online dating service out there (free or paid).

Certainly, it can be very time-consuming when you’re bombarded by messages from creeps, disheartening when you’re looking through countless uninspiring profiles, and frustrating when the one person you’re interested in doesn’t message you back.

That said, online dating IS a convenient way of meeting a wide variety of people you wouldn’t ordinarily meet from the comfort of your own home, at a relatively low cost (when compared to the expense of attending live dating events or meeting in restaurants).

So is there a way to make online dating easier? Can a person actually learn to enjoy it?

Top 10 tips to avoid wasting time online

There are definitely ways to make online dating easier. I’ve found that most people blindly begin without even thinking about which site is best given their relationship goals and demographics. They just use whatever their friends are using (whether their goals are the same or not).

Furthermore, most people set up a profile as quickly as possible without putting a lot of thought into it, and then wonder whey they’re attracting the wrong people. Or (on the other end of the spectrum) they spend too much time online dating, and wonder why it feels like the joy has been sucked out of their life.

Here are my top tips for being efficient and making the most of your time when online dating:

1. Choose one or two dating sites/apps to focus on – Being on too many sites scatters your focus and requires too much time to manage. Choose the site that has the best demographics for you and best serves your goals. (For example, if you’re over 40 and looking for a long-term relationship, Tinder or Bumble would not be the best choice as they are more commonly used by people under 30 for hook-ups and casual relationships.)

2. Choose a paid site – I recommend paid sites over free ones as they typically include at least some screening, so there are fewer weirdos to weed through and the “quality” of people is generally better (there will still be strange people anywhere though, or people with different goals than you). Paid sites also usually have enhanced privacy options and more features, and no (or fewer) annoying ads.

3. Create a great profile – Spend time learning how to create a great profile, and getting friends to review it to ensure it shows you in your best light in a creative (but honest) way. Think about it from your ideal partner’s perspective – what are they looking for, and what makes you a great catch? Don’t be too heavy – humour is almost always appreciated.

4. Use invisible/private mode – Most paid sites have an “invisible” or “private” mode, allowing you to keep your profile hidden, browse through other profiles, and only make yours visible once you find someone you’re interested in. This helps prevent being inundated with unwanted attention from creeps/scammers.

5. Set aside 30 min/day or one evening/week – Don’t spend your entire life online dating! A romantic relationship is only one aspect of your life. Be sure you’re maintaining balance and continuing to do activities you enjoy with people you love. Set aside a specific amount of time each week to dedicate to your search – and then the rest of the time, enjoy your life as a single person (you won’t be single forever)!

6. Ignore messages if you’re not interested – If someone messages you and you’re really not interested, just ignore the message. It becomes too time-consuming to respond to everyone, and it’s kinder to not waste someone’s time if you’re not digging them. However, if you’ve been communicating with someone or have gone on a date, then it’s common courtesy to respond and “let them down easy” if you’re no longer interested, rather than to ignore (ghost) them.

7. Report creeps and scammers – Don’t buy into early promises of love, or send people money or naked pictures. If someone sends you something inappropriate or asks for money, please report them to the dating site/app you’re using to spare others from going through the same thing! You can also report scammers to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre.

8. Message people who catch your eye – If someone catches your eye, send them a brief message telling them what you liked about their profile, or asking a question. Then let them respond – if they don’t, they’re either not interested or have perhaps found someone already.

9. Talk on the phone to learn more – If you’ve messaged back and forth a few times and decided you like someone, ask to speak on the phone (you can learn a lot about someone by the tone of their voice and how they hold a conversation). If the person avoids this, NEXT!

10. Meet in real life if it feels like a match – Within 1-2 weeks of meeting someone you’re really interested in online, meet in real life. Remember: You don’t really know who they are and can’t really assess how much you like them until you’ve met them! Ensure you meet in a public place, and drive yourself there (don’t accept being picked up at home until you know them better). If they don’t ask you to meet in person within a couple weeks, suggest it. If they avoid meeting in real life, move on to someone who thinks you’re worth their time!

Be patient and positive

Having success with online dating requires three things:

  1. Being clear about what you want.
  2. Having a positive attitude (about yourself, the opposite sex, dating in general).
  3. Being patient enough to wait for what you truly want (i.e. not settling).

No matter which dating site and strategy you use, there will be oddballs out there you have to weed through. There are good and bad “fish” in every pond, so don’t take it personally if you get a creepy message or picture, or if someone doesn’t message you back (only 1/3 of messages on online dating sites are responded to). You don’t need to like every fish, or have every fish like you – you just need to find one! It’s about quality, not quantity.

My #1 tip for making online dating easier is to have a good attitude going in. Be sure you only start dating once you’re already feeling good about yourself, your life, and your chances of finding a good match. If you’re not feeling good about these things, you will not attract good dates! It just doesn’t work that way. Do your inner work first, then date from a place of power and happiness – your results will be much, much better.

If you need help with this, or with creating your online dating profile, email me!

Share your thoughts!

Which site do you prefer? Please share your ideas and comments about online dating below.

Resources for further learning

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IMG_1956a_5x7Karen Strang Allen is an empowerment coach for single women and mother of two. She is the author of Free to be me: Create a life you love from the inside out! and international bestselling co-author of Unwavering Strength Volume 2. Widowed at 22 and separated at 35, Karen’s mission is to help single women feel great, turn their heartbreak into a breakthrough, and create a life they love, so they become a magnet for their dream partner. Learn more about Karen and check out her free empowering resources at www.karenstrangallen.com.

 


Responses

  1. Good tips here. When I’m ready, I will limit to one or two sites/apps and use the ones that provide paid services that ensure quality and privacy. When you’re over 50 though, I wonder if the prospects are good. I will want a companion, a potential partner who is also in good health all around. I don’t want to end up becoming somebody’s nurse – or purse. Thank you.

    • Hi there! Sorry for the delay, didn’t see this comment. 🙂 It’s good to know what you want! While there are never guarantees in life (even a healthy young person can suddenly become unwell), there are still lots of healthy active people over 50 to choose from, and you can definitely find someone who is financially independent as well! Good luck! 🙂

  2. […] How to make online dating easier […]


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